That space of time we call “Falling in Love”. We wish this passionate phase in our lives could last forever. The heady feelings of lust and romance, that sweet feeling you get when your lover takes you by the hand. This passion does not last. It is unrealistic to expect it would.
When you think about it, the act of falling in love is somewhat exhausting and for some it may be a relief when the rush of love settles down. And in it’s place comes a stronger love. Some relationships may end when the passion wears off, as one partner may misunderstand the other, and not feel loved anymore. In many situations this is not the case. Remember back to when you and your love first fell in love. Do you remember the excitement and the sleepless nights? It is true what they say; that man cannot live on love alone. For your relationship to go the distance, that euphoria of excitement and passion needs to be replaced with the act of growing in love together, learning about each other and building a solid foundation based on love, trust and commitment that will last forever.
In every relationship, even in their infancy there are tell tale signs that will show you whether the relationship and your significant other is growing and moving along in the right direction or heading up the garden path. In writing this article, I make the assumption that it’s early days in the relationship, and this is a guide for those who may feel as though something is amiss and may be able to fix the problem or leave and find a more suitable partner.
Does your lover call regularly and are you spending plenty of quality time together? When you first fell in love it was impossible to imagine being apart from each other, however it is quite normal for those feelings to subside and for both partners to wish to have some space outside the relationship. If it seems like your mate is otherwise engaged in various activities and not calling regularly or taking you out very much, then this could be a sign that things are not well in your relationship.
Do you both agree on most issues, such as your basic needs and values? This is an important sign as to whether you are both right for each other. In the euphoric state of love you probably agreed on most things. But if you feel that you are both bickering about the important issues and perhaps the minor ones, like what to have for dinner, this could mean trouble. A time will come when you will not discuss issues and hold your feelings inside and that can cause the most emotionally mature person to explode in frustration and anger.
Do you have many interests that you both share, like a love of animals or music? Imagine your love serenading you with a love song, whilst playing the guitar. How romantic did you feel after that? Of course you would not expect him or her to serenade you every day, but if you are not sharing those special things you enjoy together, then this could be a sign. It also could be a wake up call to focus on your interests together.
Has your sex live taken a dive? This could be a very good sign that things are amiss. Having said that, there could be a really good reason for your mate to refuse sex. If it seems like your lover is just making excuses and not telling you the real reason then you need to communicate and discuss these issues with care and compassion. Don’t assume that they are not attracted to you anymore, get the facts. And this point leads on to my next observation about relationships.
Is your communication good? Do you still find it easy to talk to your lover? Or do you shudder at the though of bringing up a sensitive topic? If you cannot communicate with each other, then the bottom line is; you are in trouble. No relationship can survive without communication and good communication at that. If you do not have good communication and a comfortable way of relating between you then it is going to be doubly hard to solve any kind of problem that arises. Especially the problem outlined above. You need to know how to listen with your eyes and your ears, and talk from the heart with compassion and care. You should be able to resolve conflict where both partners win.
Do you feel as if you are not good enough? Does your partner put you down or criticise you? We are all good enough, and criticising others is a waste of time. This type of behaviour only shatters that person’s self esteem. How much of a wonderful partner will they be to the other if this is happening? If your partner is criticising you; ask them to stop it. If you are criticising your partner, then stop, now. Find another way to deal with the issues within your lover that you do not like. There are ways of talking with your lover about negative issues without attacking your lover.
Is your partner flirting with others? Or being secretive? Do you think they are cheating on you? This is very hard to spot or pin point and really it’s probably best to ask them straight out. “Are you seeing somebody else?” If they lie to you, you will know, the guilt will be written all over their face, unless the person is an excellent liar. Don’t sneak around and snoop through their things, their mobile phone or car. Confront your lover, head on. You are supposed to trust this person and snooping around or following them is not showing trust. Even if you live with your lover or are married to them, showing them you trust them is really important. As I said above, I feel that you should be completely straight forward about how you feel.
When you first met it was all so easy to keep the spark alive. Perhaps you are feeling like the spark is no longer glowing. This is where you make or break the relationship. It begins with you. You need to look deep into your heart and soul and decide if you really want a relationship with this person. Start by doing as many things as you can to build your self esteem and be a loving person to your self in every way possible. Your partner will begin to respond in kind. Talk out your issues one by one, sticking to that subject until it is resolved, then move on the next topic. Be upfront and direct about what bothers you, and always be compassionate towards your lover. When they are talking about their feelings, try and stand in their shoes as you listen to them and then ask the same of them.
Get involved with your interests and hobbies and encourage them to join you. Have fun together, laugh together. These things are so important in building closeness. This is the beginning of that solid foundation that you will be building for the future. A mature love, that grows and grows and the two of you become one.
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Copyright © 2007 Janelle Coulton
2 comments:
Dr Marnish casted a Retrieve A Lover Spell for me And I'd like to say about it. My ex and I was apart for a month and I thought i will never see him forever, we were planing to get married in the future. but all of a sudden he broke up from me, I was searching for help in the internet one day i saw some testimony about this spell caster dr.marnish so i asked help from him to help me bring back my lover, after some days of casting of his spell, my boyfriend returned back to me, since then he have learned to appreciate me more and more day by day, and he doesnt take me for granted. if you need your lover back email Dr Marnish or call him +15036626930
Pinky Khumalo
So does it work? There is a book called Retrieve A Lover, I used to promote it for the author, but not as much anymore. It is quite a good book. Thanks for the info, maybe the other readers will find it helpful if they believe in that kind of thing. I have to admit that I don't.
Cheers and take care,
Jel - Janelle Coulton author of this blog.
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